Archive for the 'just me' Category

Jun 13 2014

Cosleeping… (4+ years on)

Published by under 4-5 yrs,just me


She’s almost 5 years old… and I’m not ashamed to say we still sleep together every night.

True she disturbs my sleep each time when she comes into my space.  Especially so when she does her usual “finger-in-my-belly-button” habit… which she somehow finds to be a comfort.  Sometimes it makes me think that’s the exact purpose of my belly button. She could be feeling terribly sick at night, or even that time when she vomited through the night. She could be fidgeting through the night, but would somehow calm herself back to sleep once her finger finds it’s way into my belly button.

Whatever works… though for sure that ends up waking me up too in a very grouchy mood. *sigh*

The daddy on the other hand wishes her back in her own bed cos he gets super frustrated when she kicks his face in the middle of the night (somehow yahn prefers to sleep horizontal rather than vertical).  But even he admits the bliss with his daughter sleeping by his side hugging his arms like a bolster.  :)

I don’t know when she’ll outgrow this and starts asking for her personal space away from us, locking up her bedroom door demanding her privacy.  So I’m just going to (try to) enjoy this want to stick around us, even if it gives me all these eyebags from interrupted sleep.


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May 20 2014

Mother’s Day 2014

Published by under 4-5 yrs,just me


As my girl grows each year, my mother’s day celebration gets more special. As she learns her ABCs, and masters her arts and craft, I get more handicrafts and handwritten cards to remind me how important I am to my little one.

It has gotten to the point where she’d take an empty card from my stash just to write a love note to me, sealed in an envelope with stickers. And this doesn’t just happen on mother’s day but all through the year.


Each time she presents it to me, I thank her for her love and remind her just how precious she is to me too.

And at this time, especially this time, I tell myself how lucky I am to have her in my life. The joy, the laughter, the love… and even the frustration, the exasperation, the worries… Having her in my life made it so much more meaningful and treasured.

Happy mother’s day. And I thank all my lucky stars I’m your mommy.

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Feb 02 2013

Playing free

Published by under 3-4 yrs,activities,just me,outings


Not so much cost-free… but rather the freedom to play carefree, and have a great time just running wild.

At times I used to watch her over like a hawk, screaming out warnings each time I see a potential danger upcoming, or running up to catch her when she falls.

Other times… more often now… I tell myself to hold back and let her explore by herself.  Remembering my childhood (however much I can), I remember I was given the freedom to roam.  As a baby, my parents would put me on my fours on the grass, and I could crawl all over the soil, fiddle and pluck out the grass with my fingers.  (Okay, I don’t remember that… but I saw these from the fading photographs).  As a child, my grandma would let me and my sister head down to the playground by ourselves… and only I could remember the daredevil stunts that I would attempt while the adults were not looking.

So why then am I so hung up over whether the little girl gets a scratch, or a knock, or even just dirt under her fingernails from picking up fallen leaves and sticks?

So today I let her run while I sit comfortably on the bench.  I let her scream and do the mild stunts such as sliding down backwards… crawl up the slides… I let her attempt to climb up the railing that she never used to dare attempt without the parents standing at the back shouting encouragements.  I let her play free.  And I had a great time slacking off. :)

End of the day?  She  came home with a possibly strained thumb and a rather big patch of abrasion on her shin.  She came home a whiney girl cos she’s in discomfort. But no major injuries, and a great morning working out and playing with neighbours while I got some good time-out just talking to myself like this.  And I should really do this more often cos I’ve not had my me-time for quite a long while now, and it felt really good.  :)

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Oct 23 2012

mommy’s missing you so much…

Published by under 3-4 yrs,just me

Dearest Yahn,

Since your birth… or even since your existence in my life… we’ve never been apart for more than a day. 

For 3+ years, we’ve always cuddled and hugged at night before you went to sleep. And for 3+ years, I’ll always wake up with you beside me (though most of the time it’s you who wakes up first, checking that I’m beside you). And for 3+ years, I’ve never imagine the possibility nor necessity for us to be apart for more than a day.  

And just a month or so into my return to the corporate world, I was summoned to travel against my will. Perhaps it was my fault for not insisting my way when I told them I will not and cannot travel. My words fell on deaf ears and I somehow gave up the fight. :( And then I attempted to get Daddy to bring you along with me so we will not be apart ever… But the schedule I was faced with in France and the high cost to fly you there and still not be able to spend time with you made us decide it was crazy (on hindsight, I should have just insisted cos at least I’ll have you beside me when I sleep and when I wake). :(

Just thinking of being 5 days and 5 nights apart from you is making my heart ache so much. And work has been so crazy this whole month that I ended up working ungodly hours just to clear my work again – the exact situation I didn’t want when I decided to go back to work.

Yahn, Mommy is sorry. Sorry for putting both of us through this unnecessary situation. Sorry for not fighting hard enough against what I do not want. Sorry for giving in just like that.

Yahn, Mommy loves you tons. I may not say it everyday, but everyday it only grows. I promise you if you don’t want mommy to travel without you anymore, I will not do so. And I promise I’ll look after myself while I’m away so that I can come back to you soonest possible. You look after yourself and Daddy too so that when I return, you’ll be ready to welcome me back, okay? :)

It’s going to be such a long 5 days and 5 nights… and I’m so going to miss you tons.

Loving you loads,

4 responses so far

Jul 13 2012

Kidspeak: It’s okay, Mommy…

Published by under 2-3 yrs,just me,quotes

Me: Yahn, Mama is feeling sad…
She:  (comes over and pats my head) It’s okay Mama… (and then hugs me) I love you, Mama…

The instant comfort I felt kindof explains why my comforting and sayang-ing always works when she’s crying from pain or discomfort too… The power of words, love and support…

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Jun 24 2012

Letter of Complaint: Bad Bed Manners

Published by under 2-3 yrs,just me,quotes

Dear Daughter,

I know you have been unwell for weeks. I know all that buildup of phlegm has been making your sleep difficult and miserable. I know you have been waking up coughing and wheezing real badly, and that makes your sleep interrupted.

But that does not give you the license to:

(1) pull mommy’s blanket away THE WHOLE NIGHT and throw it to the foot of the bed, just so you could…

(2) … reach under mommy’s shirt and dig her belly-button THE WHOLE NIGHT, even though for some strange reason you seem to find this a comfort in your terribly unwell and miserable state.

(3) rest your whole 11.5kg weight on your mommy’s head, or neck, or shoulders, or chest, or stomach, or legs, as you try your best to find a comfortable position to return to dreamland.

Not when your mommy already tried her best to hug you tight, lend her shoulder for you to lie on, grab warm water for you to drink each time your coughing fits starts, or even rub VICKS on you and hold the bottle to your nose to help you breathe better… THE WHOLE NIGHT.


Fine… let’s assume your mommy decides against her better judgement to let you do all the above because she’s too tired to fight a battle with you in the middle of the night. In that case, you should have just let her lie in when morning broke and allowed your daddy, the one who had a MUCH BETTER sleep the night before, to handle your morning whims and fancies.

You should not ignore your daddy’s request to head outside (and stay outside!), and instead remain on the bed to sit on, jump on, and squeeze your poor mommy who is nursing a bad headache and bodyache, having wrestled with you THE WHOLE NIGHT over the blanket and the belly-button issues.

You, my girl… needs to learn some nice bed manners. Else, please return to your own bed AND STAY THERE!

Much love,
Your (Panda-eyed, Body-aching, Mind-throbbing, Mood-grouchy) Mommy






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Apr 05 2012

2.5 years, and still nursing

Published by under 2-3 yrs,just me

I belong to that small group of mothers who are still nursing their kids even after they turn one…  And the even smaller group of mothers who are still nursing their kids after they celebrate their second birthday… 2.5 years from the day I started my breastfeeding journey, I’m still a milk-on-demand cow.

Okay, you can stop feeling sad for me now.

To be honest, I don’t detest it. In fact, the time when I thought I had weaned her off for good, I felt that little pinch of nostalgia and sadness… Just a tiny pinch… So when she suddenly wanted to go back on the boob, I didn’t fight her.

And tonight, as with some other occasional (traumatic) nights, I’m glad I’m still nursing her.

Tonight, she took a nose dive down the bed while monkeying around. Cried for about 20-30 minutes non-stop. No amount of ice, hugs and kisses could soothe my poor baby. Then of course the magic question “Do you want milk milk?” was offered… and immediately, my wailing girl controlled her sobs enough to mutter out a “Yes”. It was then that I could finally confirmed that she was not just whining for attention, but that it was REALLY PAINFUL. She couldn’t even talk properly. :(

So she plugged in to my miracle painkiller and I didn’t hear a single sob anymore. She nursed for another 30 minutes before dozing off to sleep without another whimper.

So I say thanks. Thanks that I am lucky to be able to breastfeed her from the day that she was born. Thanks that I was able to stay-at-home during her whole first year to be a milk-on-demand source (even though I felt like a chained-slave most of the first year). Thanks that I never gave up despite multiple episodes of blocked ducts, bleeding and cracked nipples, and even infections. And thanks that even though my supply is low, it can still soothe and comfort her whenever.

I don’t know how long more this journey will last. But as long as she wants, I’ll provide. That’s going to be my biggest gift to her.

4 responses so far

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